Restorative Listening: Interview with Nina Wroldsen

Brandon LaBelle: We had the opportunity to meet at a recent book event in Oslo, where we recognized we both share a deep interest in listening, especially how important it is to nurturing community and wellbeing. In your own work listening is particularly important for building healthy learning environments and schools. May I ask you to introduce yourself, and your work – and why listening is important?

Nina Wroldsen: Thank you, Brandon for having me here and I am more than happy to participate in this dialogue with you. I am Nina Wroldsen and I think of myself as an educator as I have worked in education all my life. I have had different roles in education, both as an administrator and a teacher. My latest task was starting and running a new public international IB school in Oslo. And for three years I serve as a member of the school group, and later as the chairperson for the school group in The European Forum for Restorative Justice, EFRJ.org.

My journey in Restorative Justice started in 2005 when I came across a novel for teenagers that changed my life. (Yes, I know it sounds like a cliché). It was a book named "Touching Spirit Bear" by an American author called Ben Mikaelsen. The book is about a troubled teenager who got help from Native Americans, and through Restorative Justice had a life changing experience. I understood immediately that Restorative Justice was a powerful pedagogical tool, so I started searching for more information. At the time several schools in Norway were involved in projects implementing and using restorative approaches. 

One thing lead to another and I became involved in Safe Learning Norway, an NGO that promotes a restorative mindset and tools in schools. I did practical training with Safe Learning Norway and later with The Norwegian Mediation Service, and I read up on central literature in the field. Just to clarify, when we speak about schools, we use the term Restorative Practices rather than Restorative Justice, as the latter is a term more appropriate in the field of justice and questioning punitive approaches. The conflict resolution tool is to promote change through dialogue in facilitated meetings and non-violent communication.

A fundamental human need is to be seen, shown respect (valued) and be heard, and have a say. A core belief in Restorative Justice is that every voice matters, and every voice is heard. This implies that everyone listens actively to what the others say. To really understand what the other person says means listen carefully and, show the person who is talking that you are listening by being focus and look at the person who is talking. If there is a need for clarifications follow-up questions are encouraged, as well as summing up and/or recapture what you heard the other person say. I believe that some bad things happen because of unmet needs. I am convinced that ill doings such as acts of violence could be avoided if people would talk together and listen to what the other person says. This way, everyone would be heard and everyone would have a say.

Brandon: I’ve recently read the wonderful book you co-authored (with Berit Follestad), Using Restorative Circles in Schools: How to Build Strong Learning Communities and Foster Student Wellbeing. The book argues for the use of “restorative circles” as a method for enriching communication within schools, and which can also help in managing conflicts within classrooms, especially between students for example. What are restorative circles, and how do they contribute to improving school environments? 

Nina: A restorative circle may be used proactively to prepare and prevent negative or unwanted things from happening and reactively when something has happened and there is a need to repair harm. A restorative circle is an opportunity to address matters that concerns the students, the class, or the whole school. Restorative circles are a systematic way of organizing a group of people, or students, to ensure that every voice is heard. The participants are seated in a circle and the facilitator, usually a teacher in schools is leading, or rather facilitating the circle. 

Above all, to feel safe is fundamental and so no student will be put "on the spot" or be asked to talk about personal matters. Ridicule or comments are not allowed. One person speaks at a time, and everyone listens carefully to what everyone has to say. A talking piece may be passed around, this could be any small object at hand and signals that whoever has the talking piece is the one allowed to speak. For shy students it could be an ordeal to speak in any group of people, but saying "pass", is also an utterance and can help build self-confidence for a shy and timid student.

Depending on the age of the students, proactive restorative circles can be talking about homework, exams, social media, or how to cope with stress? It could be addressing questions like how to be a good friend? How can I be a good classmate? How does truancy affect the class? Matters concerning the whole school could be how to share the soccer field during recess? A proactive circle can be used to address matters of wider concerns, things that students worry about, such as world politics. 

Part of a proactive circle is to play games, games that serve a function or a purpose, such as letting out steam, getting to know your classmates, or simply have fun. After a game, students are invited to reflect on how they felt during the game. Guess what, it works for grown-ups too!

It is voluntary to participate in a restorative conflict resolution circle (reactive circle). In cases of serious harm, the facilitators have undergone specific training in facilitating such cases and they work according to a script. Most likely there have been several meetings prior to the circle meeting with the parties/persons involved, that pave the ground prior to the big meeting.

In minor incidents a restorative chat may be the right way to address a situation separately with the parties involved and later with both parties present. Restorative Practices is an alternative to a punitive approach, a different paradigm if you wish, it is about solving issues through dialogue by having the parties involved talk together. To ask who or why somebody did a thing is not key, the essential restorative questions to be addressed are: What has happened? How did you feel? Who has been hurt? What do you need now? What do you need for this to not happen again? 

Restorative circles create a space for students to express how they feel or felt about the incident in question. A core belief is, that expressing one’s emotions is an essential part of a healing process. In short, the use of restorative circles proactively and reactively is a powerful tool that works with a whole group of people, but also caters for the wellbeing of the individual.

Brandon: Through our work with The Listening Biennial we’re also striving to foster a listening culture, as we recognize listening as crucial for social wellbeing and peace building. Restorative Practices seem so important in this regard, and it’s exciting that you’re part of bringing these into the school system in Norway. These must be incredible experiences for the students. How has the Safe Learning work impacted onto society in Norway – are there other environments in Norway, or elsewhere, that you’ve experienced in which Restorative Practices are acknowledged or integrated, such as in government for example? – or do you feel students bring these experiences into their adult life, into their social relationships? 

Nina: The Restorative Justice approach started in the 1990s in Norway, in the justice sector and as an alternative to criminal law. Restorative Justice is a universal mindset, and you will find it all over the world, but its shape and form may differ according to the context, and the culture. However, there are certain commonalities such as to gather people in a circle, to address experiences of injury, asking the restorative questions: What has happened? How did you feel? Who has been hurt? What do you need now? What do you need for this to not happen again? 

I believe things seldom happen out of context, if ever, and there were many things within the field of RJ that happened at the same time worldwide, which again brought the RJ mindset to our attention. In Norway, The Mediation Act was approved in 1991 providing communities with an alternative to Criminal Law. This led to establishing A Mediation Service throughout the country, which again spread the Restorative Justice mindset. This mindset was adapted by the social services, prison carers and the police. In the 1990s, projects initiated by the Ministry of Justice and the Ministry of Education invited schools to train staff and students in RJ/RP and peer mediation (student mediation). Peer mediation means training children and teenagers in conflict resolution and mediation so they can help their fellow students when something has happened. I need to point out that meditation is voluntary and that students will never mediate in cases of bullying. Cases of bullying are always dealt with by adults, teachers, and principals. I would like to add that we do not pick the typical ‘star student’ to train as mediators. I believe in inviting everyone who is interested in becoming a mediator to apply and do the training, and later choose the ones best fit for the role. How young can students be when training for RP? Well, there has been projects working with children in kindergartens with really good results. In the 1990s, more than 600 schools in Norway participated in the RP projects which received very good reviews, and to this day quite a few schools across the country consider themselves to be RP schools.

Through my work as an author, I have visited several schools in different parts of the world. The beauty of RP is the powerful stories students tell about how restorative practices changed their lives for the better. In the book Restorative Circles we have shared stories from students, whose lives changed after their encounter with RP. The overall feedback we get from students show that the mindset of RP is a life changing experience and that we provide them with life skills. For the individual student RP can help break negative behavior patterns, which again helps building safer schools and safer communities. I have heard students say: "Oh, I can talk to adults now! I dare to speak up for myself, I have a voice!" Or simply: "You and RP saved my life!" I have also heard from teachers: "I wish someone had taught me this during my teacher training!" Or simply, "Every time I use RP I gain a relationship, every time I use a punitive approach, I lose one." 

To me, RP is teaching students to acknowledge their feelings, learn to express how they feel and validate that feeling in addition to feeling empowered and having a say. I perceive an RP mindset to be fundamental for access and equity in education, as it provides students regardless of class, religion, gender, or ethnicity with tools for succeeding in school and by doing so, leading them to live a good and happy life. This again will lead to safer schools and safer communities. I would like to mention that the EFRJ. org has a program called "Restorative Cities" where the local government institutions work restoratively, in order to create more open, inclusive and safer cities.

Brandon: You also kindly shared with me another wonderful book, called Those Who Listen, Change the World, published by the Nobel Peace Center. Can I ask you more personally, how has listening changed your own life – has listening changed your life experiences? 

Nina: I did not learn these skills when I was growing up, and if I had known the RP skills, I could have avoided a lot of grief and hurt feelings, I am sure.

In my professional job as a teacher, RP training made me more consciously aware of the students in my class whose voice I did NOT hear in a day. It is so important to hear everyone’s voice in class, so they feel their opinion matters, and that they are seen and heard. This again strengthens the bond between the students and between the students and the teacher(s) and creates a sense of belonging. In communication I became aware of and listen more carefully to what they are saying, now knowing that things may be misinterpreted. "Was what I heard, the same as what they were saying?" I have learnt to ask again, to clarify and avoiding misunderstandings. 

I have become more observant of body language, and how others may perceive what I am saying. Most people don’t listen to what the other person says, their mind is already occupied with their own response, before the first person has finished talking. I have learnt to listen and wait before responding, and I find this to be a more profound way of communicating. That is why I have the giraffe and the "giraffe language" as my "hero", based on the concept of "Non-Violent Communication", by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. The animal with his long neck and legs, big heart, big eyes, and ears gives it a pretty good view of what has happened. The contrast is the jackal with short legs who does not know what has happened but interprets and often judges and then attacks. I try to remind myself of being a giraffe, rather than a jackal.

*

Interview with Nina Wroldsen, April 2024.